Every time that I read a quote from the late Rich Mullins, I think to myself, “That is sooo good, he really nailed it with that one.” But this is probably my favorite one. It speaks of faith, just faith.
“If faith is all we have, then maybe faith is all we need.”
(from Wounds of Love by Rich Mullins)
I’ve seen God move incredible mountains in my life. Sometimes I thought those mountains weren’t going to move. I had cowered in their shadow for so long, that I figured they were just part of the backdrop of my life. But God does move the mountains when we come to him with nothing but faith and empty hands that don’t need to hold onto anything because they are stretched out in faithful prayer.
Those same hands have held onto a lot of anger over the years. I was mad at things that had happened, words that had been said to me and words that I had said to others. I was mad at circumstances that had formed boundaries around my thoughts. I was mad at God for the things that He had allowed to happen to me. When I began to seriously follow Christ, the hardest lesson for me was the one on forgiveness. I have long since stopped working on that one and now try to rely on prayer.
I have nothing but a simple faith that if this is something that God says I need to do, then He will enable me to do it. What I have found is that when push came to shove and I needed to act in a forgiving manner, I was stunned to realize that it wasn’t just an “act” anymore. I was no longer holding that anger that had taken over so much of every waking hour. It just wasn’t there any longer. It had been wiped away, as far away as the east is from the west. I don’t remember a moment when the weight had been lifted, but suddenly when I thought that I would have to put on my best happy face and fake it, my face was truly joyful. I had been praying for a long time that God would teach me how to forgive. What I found was that God had lifted the resentment from my soul without my even realizing it. He had taken away the sting that anger can put into words so that when I spoke to the object of my anger – the anger was gone and only love was left. Sorry to be sounding so preachy and outright corny but I don’t know of any other way to put this. I was able to forgive when the moment came.
So am I the queen of forgiveness now? I Wish I could say “yes” to that, but the answer is a great big fat “No”. Anger is one of those mountains that I let grow to astounding heights and it won’t be knocked down overnight. God will chip away at it slowly and patiently, only teaching me lessons as he makes me open to them.
As I watched my husband turn over the soil in our gardens last weekend, I saw him repeatedly bend down to throw aside the rocks that had worked their way to the surface over the freeze and thaw of winter. Every year there will be rocks and my husband will patiently toss them aside. I can’t help but wonder how many times that God has done this for me. Constantly tilling the soil of my life while tossing the hard, cold stones of anger, bitterness and resentment that result from an unforgiving spirit. I know that this will be an ongoing battle because every time I find myself in a position of being hurt, I find my anger slipping back in – every single time!
I have nothing but faith.
Faith that God will continue to knock down those mountains that block my vision.
Faith that God will love me even when I allow hate and anger to get foothold.
Faith that He can take the corners of my life and shake me out of those angry traps that I allow myself to get caught up in.
Faith that He will lift me over the mountains so that I can see the wonders that He has for me.
I don’t need the easy answers that say, “Just let go of it”. I need the faith to pray, “Lord, lift me above it” and keep praying that prayer daily. It gets easier, never really easy, but definitely easier, because I now live in a world where my anger is met with Love.
In faith, I can see a larger world that truly is full of wonder and leaves me free to wonder.