not a clue, as usual

Leave a comment

Is it really snowing again? Enough already!

winter 2015

winter 2015

It seems like this winter is taking on true Narnian proportions. It’s the last day of March and as I look out my window it’s snowing again! If I lived in New England, I might be able to accept this but here in New Jersey, we are sooooo not happy. People are really getting frustrated because we are not used to this. Sure, we may get a snowstorm even in April, but the ground is warming up by that point and whatever falls will be gone with twenty four hours. I think the big problem with this winter, is that it has been so consistently cold that the ground is still fairly frozen. Everytime it snows, it sticks around for a bit. Right now the only thing that has me holding on is that since we have switched to daylight savings time, we do have more sunlight even if it is cold and cloudy most of the time.

I’ve been thinking about friends who live in Vermont and rapidly gaining new admiration for them. I remember my friend joking with me that New Englanders only get three seasons – Summer, Fall and Winter. I asked what had happened to Spring. She laughed and said that spring only lasts about 3 weeks and they just call it “mud season”. They will have massive amounts of snow and then a quick warm up in which everything floods. Since this is an annual, short- lived event, they are ready for it. My friend’s home did not have an official mud room but she did set aside a small area around the entryway where people could wipe off shoes and leave them there before entering the house. She had told me how their basement is set up to accomodate an inflow of water during mud season and they are very experienced at cleaning it all up. This is thier lives and they do not complain about it. They would have quite a shock if they moved Jersey. Everytime the weatherman forecast snow, which is now down to just flurries that will not amount to anything much, my Facebook page is filled with fearful, despairing or downright angry posts that demand the snow to stop. Kind of funny when you think about it. We are just having a cold winter, that’s all. And although Mother Nature has not been very kind to us, God has been. We have had a tremendous amount of moisture this winter in the form of snow. This is good news for our reseviors and hopefully will allow us to enjoy summer without water restrictions. But if we have a quick spring warm up, all that water is going to flood our suburban homes and we are not as prepared as our New England neighbors are. God has been giving us a little warm up, a little melting and then drops the tempatures just as I start to see a thin line of water seep into my basement. Not bad, I can handle this! And I can thank God, who handles not only the snowmelt but all the other aspects of my life. I’m thinking about how He has brought many changes to my live but always at a rate that He could walk my through. If things do happen a bit faster than I would like, He holds me up above the floodwaters. As I look back, it’s painfully clear that the times I felt inundated by waves of trouble or sorrow were during those times that I had let go of Him. When I am holding tight, the troubles are still just as bad and just as painful, but He carried me through (just like that old “footprints” poem promised).

The first time that I read the Bible as an adult was after years of walking away from God. I was so struck by the picture of Peter stepping out of the boat towards Jesus. As soon as Peter let fear crowd out faith, he began to sink. That was me for so long. I had to learn the difference between letting my life be controlled by my circumstances or being controlled by my Lord. I had to learn that “perfect love” really does “drive out fear”. Even as I look out my window and see a most unwelcome sight of the ground turning white again, I remind myself that God has a purpose for all of this. This spring will be a most joyfully welcomed season since we are being forced to wait so long for it. Maybe He is teaching us patience…. or gratefulness….. maybe He is saving us from spring flooding and a summer drought. Or maybe, like Peter, we are being asked to step out in faith. Just the act of putting one foot in front of the other. And we’ll make footprints that might be wet with snow, stuck in mud or slipping over ice, yet still walking the path that allows us to follow Him. And maybe that’s all this is.  A call to trust Him, to follow Him, to walk humbly with Him. So here’s a picture of the last patch of snow that is still hanging on in my backyard as crocuses are pushing up in the front yard and the snow is still falling. I remind myself to trust in the One who brings each season in it’s perfect time.

the last patch of snow

the last patch of snow

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and time to give up

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I will trust in His timing. I remind myself to be patient with Him. After all, He is so patient with me.

looking forward to spring

looking forward to spring



Hold My Ground

images (2

He’s got no hold on me

Jesus said to His friends that night

I hold those words so close and tight

He’s got no hold on me

he might try to hold me back

he’ll hold up temptations

that hold me down

with guilt he’ll hold things over my head

and all I can do is hold onto these truths

and hold on, hold my ground

he’s got no hold on me

Jesus said to his friends that night

I hold those words so close and tight

he’s got no hold on me

he’s gonna try to hold me up

he’s gonna try to hold me in

and that’s gonna hold me down

we have to hold onto each other

while holding hands with eternity

and hold on, hold my ground

’cause the best place for a sheep is right beside the shepherd

cause the wolf is not afraid of the sheep

but a great big shepherd saves the day

so he’s got no hold on me.images (3

he’s got no hold on me

said Jesus to his friends that night

I hold these words so close and tight

he’s got no hold on me

One day he’ll be held responsible

for all the tricks that he’s pulled

and all the whispering around

one day, as I try to hold out

against all the pretty pictures he holds up

I’ll know that I held on, held my ground

well, I can try

I’ll just hold Your hand

and hold on, hold my ground.

I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me.    John 14:30

1 Comment

I wanted to be with You


I wanted to be with You

as You fell down to pray

but there were so many things

that kept me very far away.

Things like pride and anger,

things like plain old fear.

But I am so glad to know

that You were praying for me there.

I wanted to be with You

when your friend turned You in,

 I saw the soldier with drawn sword,

 my little bit of courage wore thin.

I was held back by pride and anger

and just plain old fear.

But when you faced Judas’ kiss

I saw compassion shine so clear.

(how did I miss this?)

I wanted to be with You

to defend You at that trial,

making waves and speaking out

but you know that’s not my style.

I cowered in pride and anger

and just plain old fear

I was no help to You

Had my own burden to bear.

I wanted to be with Youcross - Copy

as they led You up that road.

that cross that You carried

should have been my heavy load.

But I couldn’t bear the suffering

and tortured agony

yet, You walked the walk I couldn’t walk,

each step you took for me.

I wanted to be with You

but I’m not good enough, I guess.

Still You carried on alone

even when I had to rest.

You took all my failures

that had stopped me in my tracks

as you walked up to Golgotha, my weight across your back.

You took all these things that held me down,

my pride and anger and fear

You took them with You on that cross

and I’m so sorry that You were there,

so sorry that I couldn’t share,

so sorry.

And yet, somehow glad that You were there

so glad that You truly care

for me.

I wanted to be with You

yet all the time

 You were there with me.


Leave a comment

A Prayer

P1000472By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge it’s rooms are filled with rare and beautiful things.”

Proverbs 24:3

Dear Lord,

It is only through the wisdom that comes from Heaven that I will build a stable base for my life. I ask for the wisdom of Your things; like love and goodness, forgiveness, mercy and grace. I realize that it is only through understanding of both myself and those around me that i will be able to build on that base. But only if I build with love and goodness, forgiveness, mercy and grace. And as my knowledge of You grows; as I come to know Your love and goodness, forgiveness, mercy and grace on a deeper level each day, You will fill my life with rare and beautiful things. Things like love and goodness, forgiveness, mercy and grace.

“And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever”